


what you want is not what you need (the love you have)

by etherealities



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: I suppose, M/M, cawllection, i'm not sure but i think this is something kind of important that i needed to write, no abuse just... miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 16:13:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20117902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealities/pseuds/etherealities
Summary: little sheep, lift your head. there is more than one lover for you. the one you need is stronger than the one you want.





	what you want is not what you need (the love you have)

there are two types of love. the one you want, and the one you need.

taeyong took a while to learn the difference.

the one you want starts softly. it starts with shared glances, with hidden crushes. it starts with whispers, with stuttered sentences, with hands brushing each other and whispered confessions and lips just barely brushing. it starts with jealousy, with possessiveness, with the knowledge that he isn’t yours.

it ends the same way.

it ends because as much as you want it, as much as you want him, you’re too infatuated and it’s heartbreaking. you could never hurt him and it hurts you. because you can’t say anything, you’re tongue-tied, you’re held back in the way you have to be delicate, lovely, perfect in every way for him. and that makes it worse because the longer you’re there, the more he falls in love, the more he pulls you close, the tighter you curl into his embrace, hoping, wishing for it to feel right.

but it doesn’t.

the love you want isn’t the love you need, so you leave him. you see this now, taeyong? do you understand why jaehyun wasn’t right, why you always were on the verge of tears? do you understand, angel? the way he held you, thinking you were perfect for him. the way you fit perfectly into him, giving up your smallest pieces to complete him, leaving you hollow.

it’s okay if you don’t. you don’t have to know why to know it’s right.

the love you need is blinding. it’s harsh, truthful, full of pain. it wakes you up.

it’s what you need.

it starts with the truth, with the fear of being hurt again. it starts with no promises, with only the trust that both of you will try. there are fights and harsh words, and tightly held hands as you say you shouldn’t have said that. there are passionate kisses, no fear of hurting someone else. there are no white lies, no hiding what you want, because you know, because doyoung told you that he didn’t want to hurt you and because you know you can’t hurt him.

do you see now, taeyong? lift your head and look.

the love you need is one that knows no bounds. it comes back after everything you tell it, it grows stronger as you grow weak, it holds you up and protects you with a ferocity the one you want could never have.

why?

i’ll tell you again, love.

the one you want is coated in sugar. it’s sweet, it’s short, and it leaves you breathless and wanting a little bit more, a little bit more, and once you can't reach it, you look in the mirror and realize it left you weak. you have no more energy. it’s a sprint, a hundred-meter race, the most beautiful bridge of a song.

the one you need is unafraid. it stands, it shows itself to everyone, it doesn’t care what you think of it because you’re attracted to it anyway. it’s a marathon that leaves you aching and proud, feeling like you can do anything, like you are worthy. you look in the mirror and realize you are not the person you used to be, you are stronger, you are capable. 

you see now, don’t you taeyong? when jaehyun holds you by the waist, he leads you like a little sheep, like you are weak and need guidance. you can’t tell him how you feel because he’ll just hold you close and tell you he’ll take care of it and that he’s here for you. and he is here for you, but what will you do when he isn’t? when he can’t be? little sheep, what will you do once he leaves? because he has left. no, he has not left - he is still standing there, shocked, watching your retreating figure. but you are not retreating, you are just stepping off, because you are strong enough to be on your own.

you can feel that, can’t you, little sheep?

you can feel doyoung’s grip, but he holds you by the hand, by your side. because you can guide him, because you can show him all the ways he can love you. doyoung is not afraid to be by your side, he is not afraid of hurting you because he knows that you are stronger than that and because he knows his strength. doyoung is here for you, not because you cannot handle it, but because you need a home to return to after you defeat your demons. you are there for doyoung, because you know he is strong, and you know together, you can face anything. you can yell, scream, tell him he did wrong, and he will correct it because he can handle himself in the same ways you can.

little sheep, go on. it is your call, not one of the wolves that brings everyone peace.

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this on a whim in just under twenty minutes. i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> remember that there is more than one way to love.
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/sivhen)


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